2nd night action – score!

17 Mar

Ok, this is a little delayed, but it’s fucking hard trying to keep up with anything here, let alone sitting down in secret away from everyone else and writing a considered blog post! The last time I went away was to a conference in Chicago, and it was a lot easier than Austin. Not so far from home though, so I guess I didn’t try to get up to as much there as here!

So anyway, we were in a bar on night 2, and got talking with a bunch of girls. None of them exactly half my age, but pretty close. One of them super attractive, the rest of them totally not.

It was the super attractive one that actually started it off. She came over to me before we started talking, and simply said “You’re hot”…

Ok, so at this point you should know exactly how the story ends right? But then, this is me we’re talking about right?

She was tall, stunning figure with matching silky figure-hugging blue dress, high heels, and a crisp blonde bob haircut.

At the time I didn’t know this, but later turned out she was not even of legal drinking age! She was legal for other things, but not drinking..!

They were all students at a college in Colorado, but Texans here on spring break and her friends, I hate to say, were not so hot.. my friend came over as we were talking, and hot girl hadn’t even brought her friends over at that point. I suggested she should, she was reluctant, but we insisted. I think we felt sorry for them. This in hindsight was a mistake, but one I think I would have had to repeat if I had gone back.. I mean they just looked so sad on their own!

Hot girl was very tactile, and touching her body through her silky dress felt pretty good, lots of whispering in my ear, and so on. But I sort of let things get away from me a little… I was too insterested in her not-so-hot friends. Again they were kind of just standing there not saying anything, so I kept bringing them into the conversation.

Now, this is where it started to go wrong…

In just natural conversation, one of them mentioned that they were all bisexual, and regularly jumped into bed together after a night out.

AAAAAARRGGGHHHH! What had I stumbled on to?

Either she was just nuts, on crack or a hooker – or this was the best possible opportunity ever!

Turned out they really weren’t hookers, and this was a genuine possibility. Conversation with the other girls confirmed that this really was the case, and from this point in I think my judgment was severely impaired by this rather awesome prospect!

So then I started working all of them. Taking an interest, paying the odd compliment, and so on. All the time my friend, who is a good looking tall guy was talking with hot girl, and I think my plate spinning was not going so good… I thought a plate was about to fall!

Now at this point I also realised that I was kind of drunk, and that this was going to take a little time. My friend seemed to be doing pretty well with hot girl, and this was potentially turning out to be a bit of shit fight to see who could take her home.

I looked around and saw a large pair of breasts belonging to hot girl’s friend, and thought… I could have a very good time with her! So I did. Short walk back to the hotel and we fucked and sucked til morning.

At the time it was certainly awesome sex, and on balance I think it was probably the best sex I could have had that night, without the multiple girls in the same bed thing happening, but… well, you know, I didn’t want to get into a fight with my friend, and I would rather have taken the certain night of hot sex over the fighting til dawn and then striking out scenario that was highly likely to have happened.

But of course, this was until the next morning, when I found out that the other girls had left without my friend, or any other man for that matter, and… you guessed it. All ended up in bed together.

At this point, I did wonder if I had made the right choices…

But anyway – the major disappointment of the night was none of that. It was that I hadn’t had a proper SeXSW hook-up! I thought this was geeks, musicians and film types hook-up fest that added a whole new meaning to the phrase cross-culture fertilisation. I still believe this is totally bunkum, or that I’m doing it wrong!

I told you.. this isn’t about me getting sex – it’s about the “SeXSW hook-up” and so far.. it’s not happening!


First night action…

11 Mar

Oh shit, what’s happening here?

I went to a party tonight; won’t say which one, and there must have been about 20% women there. How the fuck do you beat those odds? I have discovered a rather good trick though: Wing Woman.

My biggest problem has always been having the confidence just to say hi. I have sat across bars and coffee shops over the last god knows how many years, and every time I lock gazes with an attractive woman, I look away. I think this dates back to when I was a kid, and I was stood in my back garden – I looked up to a neighbour’s window, and there was an attractive brunette peeling off a sweater over her head. As it rode half-way up her stomach, I looked away… fear of getting caught? Respect for others privacy? Fuck knows. All I know is I regret it to this day, but can’t shake the behaviour. It’s rude to stare. It’s threatening and scary to think that some strange guy is giving you the eye… which is why I rarely make eye contact in any prolonged or meaningful way – I’m too scared of being arrested as a stalker.

I keep telling myself that saying hi is easy, and it’s not a big deal. I do it all the time. But anyway… in lieu of that confidence, being in the company of women at a male-dominated event is a MASSIVE benefit. Birds of a feather, flock together, as they say!

Plus – if you’re average looking like me, it’s not my looks or  impeccable dress-sense that will attract women to me, but if you’re introduced… that’s another thing. This is X and he’s… [for whatever they say next read: interesting and successful – that’s all that seems to count]. From that point in, I’m allowed to talk with them and they take an interest. Up until that point I’m the average looking guy standing in the background who keeps looking away whenever she looks over!

So.. wing women it is. Stick with the girls. Also, they seem to be able to skip those lines… nice work.

So I got some signals tonight, but I’m screwed if I know what they were. I need to carry a live webcam and get the community to vote on what signals I’m getting. If she had passed me a note that said “Let’s go. I need some fun.” then I think I would have got it… but anything less than that I’m useless.

I once, years ago, plucked up the courage to ask a girl I really liked to go for a drink. We had a drink, I drove her home and she asked me up for coffee. Now you probably think you know where this story ends. However, you haven’t met me.

“Coffee?” I asked. “I think I’ll be ok, It is late, but it’s not that far to drive.”

About 10 minutes later as I was driving along the main road, I realised the fuckwittedness of my cack-handed female-signal-reading skills. The policeman who pulled me over said he wasn’t concerned about my driving, but more concerned that my repeated banging of my head on the steering wheel was sounding the horn and waking up the neoghbourhood.

Lesson number 2, is don’t tell your friends stories like this. I was mercilessly ribbed for weeks afterwards. Every time it came to making coffee in the office,… well you can guess.

So.  Vote on these – all said to me tonight by three different, attractive women:

“I like your shoes”

“I’m kind of busy, but hopefully see you around?”

“That’s fascinating… <blah blah blah – to be honest I didn’t hear anything after ‘that’s fascinating>”

So, I’m obviously happy with my progress so far. Or rather I would be if I wasn’t such a bumbling idiot! Comment number 1 came from a rather cool-looking girl with a big orange head-band on. The last words I said to her as I walked away were:

“Yes, well, it was, ermm, really great. Thanks. I mean. Do,.. erm. It was lovely meeting you”

I’m sure you’ll agree this was masterful.

Second – I said ‘let me give you a card’ then spent 5 minutes fumbling through my pockets to eventually realise I didn’t have any cards. Twat!

Third – My genius parting words were: “You were lovely, I mean it was lovely meeting you…” <sounds of running feet – mine>

Ok, better luck tomorrow maybe!

Changing minds, changing underpants

11 Mar

So the interesting part of this for me is that I have to put myself into a totally different mindset. In real life, if I swear on a blog post I’ll get right royally fucked up the ass  by the powers that be (see what I did there?). And I’d never talk about my journey to sexual liberation, that’s for sure.

But here at SXSW, playing the SeXSW game, both those are obligatory, and it requires a significant shift in mind-set.

In daily life, I’m a reasonably straight, professional albeit very informal industry type. Reputation is everything, and equally staying married is pretty important too – so in the age of the social web there’s no way I’m going to talk about any of those things on my blog.

Equally, in normal life I would almost never talk about sex with anyone. Certainly I wouldn’t tell them my feelings towards them, or anyone else. So, making sure I don’t drop into character as @SeXSW and blurt out something inappropriate might be tough.

So, keeping the two sides separate is going to be hard. Compartmentalisation, both in my head and on my technology is key! Incognito browsing mode on my laptop, a secret email account hidden away on my phone… all that stuff. And the moment I post a SeXSW Tweet from my normal account.. is the moment I have to change my underpants.

Right now, I’m playing the ‘most beautiful woman in the shuttle  bus’ game (don’t tell me you’ve never played this game). This is often coupled with the ‘most interesting woman on the bus’ contest, and the winners are seldom the same people I hate to say. If a woman has ‘obvious beauty’, the kind of sexuality that’s in your face, sure that makes me want to fuck them, but the more intricate the personality, and the psyche, the more I see beauty in the less obvious. The kind of time I’d spend with the latter would be the one that I seek out this week. Passion, lust, intimacy, fun, that’s what it’s all about. Getting laid is easy… it costs about $250 an hour, and that has its place (more on that later), but making a connection, and leaving SXSW with that knowing smile on your face is priceless.

Anyway, I’ll get back to you when the results are in, although I’m not sure if I should hand out prizes or not.

Hello SXSW

10 Mar

OK, I landed in Austin today, and all flight long I couldn’t help looking around me and thinking; “How many of these people are expecting to get laid this week?”  And I genuinely don’t know the answer. I honestly think sometimes I’m the most naive man in the universe.

I remember once being astounded and horrified when I discovered that two of my closest friends were actually ‘friends with benefits’, fucking each other whenever they could. And it’s at this point that I felt so stupid at the number of times I’d offered to give up my bed for her when she stayed at our apartment, but my kind old room-mate would always offer his, and she’d accept it. How stupid was I to think they weren’t just shagging like lunatics. Naive idiot!

He once said to me “if a girl is willing to share her bed with you, it means she’s willing to have sex with you”. I nearly punched him! Firstly, I had to go with the denial route, telling him there was no way on this earth that any right-minded, equal opportunities, right-on man should make that assumption about a woman. But in the background I think I was really thinking; “Fuck! You mean…? All those times…? You’re fucking KIDDING me!” I mean in University days I must have bedded down with a good half a dozen of my female friends after a big party, or when I travelled out somewhere far off to see them. All those missed opportunities! No wonder I went with the right-on, equal opportunities appproach… otherwise I’d be a total fuckwit to have missed out on all that wouldn’t I? Am surely I’m not a fiuckwit!

Even that flight… I mean, everyone seems so nice and clean and normal on the surface, but statistically speaking there were on that flight: 2 dominatrixes, 1 sadist, 26 voyeurs, 6 foot fetishists, 2 pairs of swingers, a couple into ‘watersports’ and one guy who loves to drink breast milk,.. from real breasts. I mean, none of us talk about it, but people do it!

Some of them even probably got laid on the flight! How do you even do the whole mile high thing? Is it always couples? Or is there some secret signal you give the air stewardess? What position do you use to avoid bursting out into the cabin halfway through the passion? Can you even flush a condom in an airline toilet? Or does it get caught in the vacuum thingy and blow up in a massive balloon on the outside of the plane?

Oh man… I have to start answering some of these questions. Come on Austin, let’s see what you have to offer.