First night action…

11 Mar

Oh shit, what’s happening here?

I went to a party tonight; won’t say which one, and there must have been about 20% women there. How the fuck do you beat those odds? I have discovered a rather good trick though: Wing Woman.

My biggest problem has always been having the confidence just to say hi. I have sat across bars and coffee shops over the last god knows how many years, and every time I lock gazes with an attractive woman, I look away. I think this dates back to when I was a kid, and I was stood in my back garden – I looked up to a neighbour’s window, and there was an attractive brunette peeling off a sweater over her head. As it rode half-way up her stomach, I looked away… fear of getting caught? Respect for others privacy? Fuck knows. All I know is I regret it to this day, but can’t shake the behaviour. It’s rude to stare. It’s threatening and scary to think that some strange guy is giving you the eye… which is why I rarely make eye contact in any prolonged or meaningful way – I’m too scared of being arrested as a stalker.

I keep telling myself that saying hi is easy, and it’s not a big deal. I do it all the time. But anyway… in lieu of that confidence, being in the company of women at a male-dominated event is a MASSIVE benefit. Birds of a feather, flock together, as they say!

Plus – if you’re average looking like me, it’s not my looks or  impeccable dress-sense that will attract women to me, but if you’re introduced… that’s another thing. This is X and he’s… [for whatever they say next read: interesting and successful – that’s all that seems to count]. From that point in, I’m allowed to talk with them and they take an interest. Up until that point I’m the average looking guy standing in the background who keeps looking away whenever she looks over!

So.. wing women it is. Stick with the girls. Also, they seem to be able to skip those lines… nice work.

So I got some signals tonight, but I’m screwed if I know what they were. I need to carry a live webcam and get the community to vote on what signals I’m getting. If she had passed me a note that said “Let’s go. I need some fun.” then I think I would have got it… but anything less than that I’m useless.

I once, years ago, plucked up the courage to ask a girl I really liked to go for a drink. We had a drink, I drove her home and she asked me up for coffee. Now you probably think you know where this story ends. However, you haven’t met me.

“Coffee?” I asked. “I think I’ll be ok, It is late, but it’s not that far to drive.”

About 10 minutes later as I was driving along the main road, I realised the fuckwittedness of my cack-handed female-signal-reading skills. The policeman who pulled me over said he wasn’t concerned about my driving, but more concerned that my repeated banging of my head on the steering wheel was sounding the horn and waking up the neoghbourhood.

Lesson number 2, is don’t tell your friends stories like this. I was mercilessly ribbed for weeks afterwards. Every time it came to making coffee in the office,… well you can guess.

So.  Vote on these – all said to me tonight by three different, attractive women:

“I like your shoes”

“I’m kind of busy, but hopefully see you around?”

“That’s fascinating… <blah blah blah – to be honest I didn’t hear anything after ‘that’s fascinating>”

So, I’m obviously happy with my progress so far. Or rather I would be if I wasn’t such a bumbling idiot! Comment number 1 came from a rather cool-looking girl with a big orange head-band on. The last words I said to her as I walked away were:

“Yes, well, it was, ermm, really great. Thanks. I mean. Do,.. erm. It was lovely meeting you”

I’m sure you’ll agree this was masterful.

Second – I said ‘let me give you a card’ then spent 5 minutes fumbling through my pockets to eventually realise I didn’t have any cards. Twat!

Third – My genius parting words were: “You were lovely, I mean it was lovely meeting you…” <sounds of running feet – mine>

Ok, better luck tomorrow maybe!


One Response to “First night action…”

  1. AngryCaptain March 16, 2011 at 6:35 am #

    “I like your shoes.” – She was trying to talk to you. Did you have a conversation after that?

    “I’m kind of busy, but hopefully see you around?” – Promising. This is when you ask for her number so you can try and cross paths later.

    “That’s fascinating… ” – Was blah blah blah relevant to what she found so fascinating about what you said? If not, move on.

    Don’t give a girl your card. It’s far too passive. Handing someone a card doesn’t show you’re interested, it makes you look like a salesman. Get out your phone and ask for her number. Then you’re being active and sticking your neck out there because seeing her again has value to you.

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